3 Things That Guys Get Wrong

Posted on January 27, 2014 Updated on January 27, 2014

When a man wants to impress a woman, he automatically creates this mental list of do’s and don’ts. Sometimes he’s totally on point about what works and other times, he’s clueless. Guys often have misconceptions about a female’s likes and dislikes. I can’t generalize all women and assume that they think like me but I will gladly impart the three things that guys usually get wrong with me.

1. He thinks being masculine means that he’s not allowed to cry. Ever. No, I obviously don’t want to date a crybaby. But if something touches a man deeply and he’s moved to tears, or if he’s hurting emotionally, I think it’s very masculine to be able to show that vulnerability. There’s always that small group of people who will misinterpret my statement to mean that waterworks are welcome daily. Honestly, if you’re crying about everything – I don’t think I need to make a list of specific situations – then you may really want to get your hormonal levels evaluated. I’m being very serious. Please, don’t be an emotional sap that can’t handle an argument, or the Titanic after the 20th viewing. On the other hand, a man who cries once in a while certainly doesn’t get booted from my circle. In fact, one of the most touching things I’ve ever seen is when a guy friend of mine cried in front of a large group of people. He was simply overcome by emotion at the time and he expressed himself, cleaned up, and admonished his audience not to get accustomed to that. It was manly yet raw.

2. He thinks I want a movie romance. The perfect line at the perfect moment. The 10,000 compliments per night – it’s all really sweet but it can be a bit much sometimes. I’ve been out on enough dates and received enough texts to know that this is a typical move when a guy really likes a girl. I’ll give you some examples here.

Scenario: We’re texting

Me: Man it’s chilly today.

Him: Wish I were there to keep you warm.

Scenario: We’re on a date

Me: Look! The moon is beautiful tonight.

Him: It’s not as beautiful as your eyes.

Scenario: 8.5 months into the relationship

He sends me a million-page monologue via text about the depths of his love for me…

Ahhh! This stuff drives me crazy and not in a good way. Maybe it’s because I’m awkward as Kuthrapali and I really don’t know how to take a compliment. But I guess what I’m trying to convey is that cliches don’t work for me and I really don’t care for too much mushiness. I appreciate gestures of romance and chivalry and kindness. I even love poems and creative gifts with lots of thought that show he cares. But that manufactured, movie-like, scripted-timing, must-insert-perfect-one-liner-here thing must die. I like conversations that don’t always lead back to one’s fascination with me. If I’m admiring the moon, let’s admire the moon.

3. He tries way too hard to be sexy.

A naturally smooth guy is sexy. Yes! I love a dude with some swag. But if “suave” isn’t something that a guy is gifted with, that’s okay! If I’m dating you, or even talking to you, it’s not because you ooze coolness. If you’re  a dork, I like you because you’re a dork. If you’re quiet, I like you because you’re quiet.

Let me add my disclaimer: If you’re a creep…no one wants a creep. What I’m saying is, I’m trying to get to know the real you. So don’t cheat me out of learning who you are and don’t cheat yourself out of meaningful relationships and friendships by putting on facades.

In the event that you’ve shed all of your layers and a girl doesn’t feel like she’s compatible with you, it’s okay. That doesn’t mean that you should change. Just move on to someone who likes your quirks. It seems obvious, but there have been too many times where I’m talking to someone and he’s trying to add all of this unnatural swag to the conversation when he knows he wasn’t gifted with it. I already told you, I’m awkward! This just makes things more awkward. I have no idea what to say in these situations.

There have even been times when we’d be in the middle of a kiss that’s getting a little bit steamy and he just has to go and ruin it by talking in this deep, slow voice with a line that I’m sure he heard on a film somewhere but it was perfect in the movies so it’s obviously perfect here. Then he’ll start getting overly theatrical with the kiss as if there’s a camera crew behind us. No! Stop! Cut!

Long story short, I like real guys. No facades, no artificial sexiness, no monologues. You can even cry now and then! But I need real conversations, true personalities, not Hollywood put-ons and perfectly timed compliments. I don’t think I’m the only woman who feels this way but I’d love to know what others think. Maybe I am the only one. Still, I think it’s safe to say – Guys, just be real and most of us will find that sexy enough.

Peace!

-A